I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i now understand why vodka
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
