So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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