This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
