is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
