the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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