DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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