...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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