do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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