her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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