Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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