So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
