Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
