I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
