its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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