took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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