I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
