I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
