i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize