let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Even my vagina gasped.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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