how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
