he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
