I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
