ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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