i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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