fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
being pregnant is like rehab
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize