Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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