Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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