Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize