if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
