Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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