my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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