Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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