But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Come on in and take your pants off
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