I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
