Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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