Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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