Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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