I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
now i know why i became what i already was.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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