this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
