I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
