Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
