Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im six kinds of drunk right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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