Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
