I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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