I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
handjob tips. give me some.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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