He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
