i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
