we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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