He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
