We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
