Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
