Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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