My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
