Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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