just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
