No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I believe in your delicious
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
