My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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