her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
