Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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