I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
