he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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