I hate all girls vehemently.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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