i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
