I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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