I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
