I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
