i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
