You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
