he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize