We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
