Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
