so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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