If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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