Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
