you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
