Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
